It has not been a good day, ya'll. It was not a good night either.
I never thought I would still be so tired when Noah was 15 months old. I didn't really expect to be this dizzyingly tired until I was pregnant again. Which I am not. Yet.
Noah went to sleep around eight o'clock which is totally normal. He also woke up around one o'clock, unfortunately this too, is totally normal these days. I nursed him briefly and he fell asleep and I put him back in his crib. He immediately stood up and began scream-crying. I left the room and returned to my bedroom where I annoucned to Marc that he "should just go to the basement to sleep because I wasn't going back in there."
He did. And I didn't.
I went downstairs and tossed a bag of animal crackers down my pie hole as well as a protein bar and hobbled back to bed feeling overly full, disgusting and mildly gassy. Oh, also, like a shit mother.
Having to sit and listen to your child cry is possibly one of the most anxiety provoking and mind-jarring things a mother ever has to do. It makes you grind your teeth, kick the dog, yell at the cat, cry, swear and generally contemplate hateful murderous things you otherwise would never conceptualize. And it has happened over and over in the last 24 hours.
I let Noah cry it out last night and finally, after about an hour, he fell asleep.
After the horrendous hour we had, all hope for a decent night of sleep was shot to all hell and getting out of bed in the morning felt like what I imagine pulling your entire body out of a pit of quicksand using only your feet to flutter your way out to the top would feel like, but I doubt that anyone who has experienced this lived to attest to the true sense of torture.
It has become a bit of a habit to do some grocery shopping on Monday's after Noah's music class. Well, normally we get more sleep the night before.
Once again, I pulled on my hat that reads: YOU ARE A SHIT MOTHER, in gold embroidery. I like to wear my greatness in STYLE!
My lunch of Fritos, Easy Mac and Chocolate-Chip cookies must have caused some sort of sugary-fatigue haze of dizziness because I swear I almost passed out. The desire to get into bed and sleep was overwhelming and I tried to put Noah down for his afternoon nap a little early. Like, half an hour early.
He didn't agree.
More crying. More tooth grinding. More shit mothering.
He isn't getting sleep. I'm not getting sleep. It's been a rough spell over here.
::
Today was a tad better, sort of. Noah is asleep as I type this. It is 11:53PM. Anyone think I can six full straight hours myself?
