Don't eat off my floors

For the second time in less than twenty-four hours I have had to sit on top of Noah in order to change a stewing stench-filled poop diaper and also for the second time there was POOP ON THE FLOOR.

I heard a vague mention awhile back that someone had an eight month old baby who she had to wrestle with to accomplish a diaper change and I was all wave-of-the-hand that won't happen to me my child likes having his diaper changed and I am the perfect mother and OH how naive am I?!

And then Noah turned eight months old, and then nine and most recently four days ago he became ten months old.  I dread diaper changes.  He fights me every second and at every turn, literally. I lay him down and he immediately flips over before I can even get his pants off.  If he just has a wet diaper I whisk it off and let him crawl away as naked as the day he was born because he prefers to be that way and who am I to interfere with the way God intended us?  In fact, I do interfere because it is cold outside and he lacks control over certain functions that have left many a wet stain on my walls, carpets, clothing and floors. 

In the past day I have needed to change a particularly unpleasant diaper twice and I had to lay him on the floor and use my left leg to hold down his chest and I feared for a split second that this was possible child abuse.  Because I had to really hold him down.  He screamed and twisted and I grabbed wipe upon wipe but as I moved in to clean the poop-covered regions he squirmed and whoops! poop on the legs! Each time his jerky thrashy body complicated yet another diaper change, the result was a massive wash-down of my hands and the carpet around us because the poop-covered regions really just expanded with each wiping that should have resulted in a  consolidate and remove effort if you know what I mean and I think you do.

How long will this last? Sometimes I can distract him with a toy or sippee cup or something to keep him a little more still but nothing works as well as Valium in his yogurt.*  Any ideas folks?

* Kidding. I would never.

 

Comments

[Florencia]

Washing him in the bathroom sink after first wiping him so he doesn't leak all the way there. Before wipes, like when you and I were little, that's what our moms did. I was upset with my mom when she told me because I thought she meant I was spoiled and would only use wipes. But no, it turns out sometimes it is the only way to get ALL the sh*t off them :D

[Hilary]

Wow. I can offer zero advice that is usable- I am almost certain that cages for babies are considered "not okay" even if it was a really cushy cage with you know, lots of cute toys. I kid. Of course.