Lost time

Well, hell. It's Thursday night and I've been sick for almost an entire week.  I can't believe an entire week has passed and I have accomplished so little.  I had many plans for play dates and MOM's club meetings and book club gatherings and much needed trips to the grocery store and I had hoped to swing by Costco for a new pair of Levis, in a smaller size...

None of it happened.  Sometime between Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, but, not so sometime, it was midnight exactly when Noah awoke and I could hear *cry*cry*snort* *cry*cry*snort* coming through the monitor and I knew before I reached down and saw his snot-streaked face that he was sick.  Mah baby, he was a'sickened. 

I changed his diaper and held him close to me and told him I would stay with him and that he was going to be okay. I know, I know, just a head cold really, a runny stuffy nose, but it was MAH BABY, and it was his first cold, EVAH. 

Then I took him into bed with me and sat up against my pillows and nursed him until he fell asleep.  He was all snorty and sniffly and it was so sad.  I just couldn't understand how when I put him to bed at 8PM he was fine and then a mere four hours later his little body had been invaded with cold virus and he was now a needy, snotty mess. 

Suffice to say that I have not slept much in the past three nights and I'm still hacking up my lungs and having gag-inducing coughs at the *most* inopportune moment, like, oh, say, when the baby has just FINALLY fallen asleep. after thirty minutes of nursing. on sore nipples that nursed all day. Oy.

When he nurses he leaves behind shiny slug-trails of snot on my boobs.  But oh he is a trooper! Me? I'm just sick. I've asked for help and gotten none.  My mother was in court, Marc's mother said her work schedule was set. Bah. Before Noah got sick I had a list of house chores ten feet deep.  I still have a half painted kitchen.  I have two window screens to replace because the dog ripped them while trying to get outside to eat a squirrel.  I need to power-wash the green slippery stuff off of the deck.  In a dream world I'd also have time to make blackout curtains for my bedroom.  But I'll settle for accomplishing the painting, the screen replacement and the deck washing. 

But oh! None  of  this is happening while I have cough-your-lung-out-itis so really I'm in this bastardly holding pattern that is making me rather, depressed.  I had a goal of weight loss (fitness) and I have totally blown that because I haven't exercised in a week, because, oh, you cannot when you can't breathe and your head is splitting in two with the weight of exploding sinuses.  I feel mushy and gross and weak and not at all like the ROCKIN' BAD ASS I proclaimed to be last week when I was totally doing Jillian's Level 2 without fail, like, almost every day.   This is what has happened before: I get close to a goal and something happens and I say oh, well, I got close, good enough,guess I'll get fat again, glad I didn't ship the size 12s to Good Will just yet. But, in terms of poundage, I'm still okay. I have been too sick to really eat more than oatmeal in the morning and a little soup here and there.  The obliques that were cautiously emerging a week ago have snapped comfortably back into a dark and unknown place.  I mean, THANK GOD that evidence is gone! I wouldn't want to look, oh, healthy or anything.

I feel like I've lost all momentum, my belly is familiarly squishy and I'm a shittastic mess of self-pity and depression over my lost week.  My house is in shambles and there is snot everywhere.  I think I just lost my last reader with that snot comment but really, Noah just drops drool and snot all over and I don't even care enough to clean it up anymore.

I honestly can't wait to get my flu shot because I'm not doing this sick bullshit again any time soon.

Comments

[Christine]

Sounds like you deserve a break!

[Hilary]

What a total bummer. I can't even imagine being that sick with a sick baby to nurse and hold and carry all day. And with no one to help? You have had a seriously craptatic week! The upshot? I'm banking on you getting well just in time for the weekend. As for the chores/exercise, and this is just one reader's opinion of course, but... You do SO MUCH! Nothing will fall apart for good in a week. I vote for putting your feet up and taking it easy - if at all possible. Get well soon!