Just this week I tossed the old infant carrier and got the big 'ol baby-to-oddler carseat installed. It is in fact a car seat that will hold him until he is 65 pounds, or at the rate we are going now, approximately, age 2. But seriously folks, my baby is growing up. He is far from a newborn. He is in the middle of a long many months of baby-ness. Cute, pudgy, kissable, toss-em-in-the-air, giggling back at you baby-ness. I actually do adore him more and more each day, each morning when I see his face for the first time and he greets me with a smile so wide that it actually dissolves the painful morning fatigue that can only be described as having a five and a half month old baby and not having more than five hours of consecutive sleep EVER. Speaking of sleep, I would actually kill, no, pay money, real hard cold cash money to be able to have a night of sleep that ended at noon the next day. Yeah. And no, I can't pump and let Marc take care of him in the morning because, you know what, when a baby cries the mom wakes up. Even if I'm three floors away, I hear his cry, and I cannot sleep through it.
I took Noah out today for a few errands and because we no longer have the infant carrier and the baby bjorn may be rated up to 25 pounds, but holy hell, I AM NOT CARRYING MY 18 PLUS POUND BABY ON MY CHEST, HOLY GOD, MY BACK! So, I broke out the shopping cart cover and plopped him into the shopping cart. He loved it. I don't expect this to last forever but he just looked around at all the stuff in the store and basked in the glorious attention he got for being the cutest baby ever seen.
As I walked back to my car and put the bags in the back, unhooked Noah from the cart and buckled him into the carseat and put the cart back and then drove seven feet to the other side of the parking lot so I could unbuckle him and do it all over again. I realized that I was out shopping with my son. My little boy. He's still a baby but not a small one. Shopping like this is not easy. And not fun. But, at least it gets me out of the house.
After two stores in two hours I decided to nix the grocery store so I could go home and feed Noah then leave him with Marc and go back to do the grocery shopping. Time alone! Woo Hoo!!!
I left them at 6 o'clock happy and playing in the exersaucer. I had to go back to Target because apparently I am unable to by cards for parent-related Hallmark Holidays when accompanied by a baby because once again I ended up with seven father's day card for DAD and one for a GRANDAD and I got home and realized that we have a lot more grandfathers and great grandfathers than we do fathers. Last month I couldn't keep track of how many mothers and grandmothers and aunt's we had and I had to pencil in the words "grand" and "great" in from of "MOM".
Midway through my grocery shopping I got a call from Marc with Noah crying in the background and apparently they were having "some trouble". So I tried to finish my grocery shopping but couldn't concentrate and I was trying to do price comparisons and use coupons and it just didn't work so I checked out and rushed home. On the way home at a stoplight I called Marc and found out they were having naked time so I was needed ASAP for bath and bed time. I quickly hung up just in time to look into the car ahead of me and see the couple leaning in to briefly and gently kiss before heading off into the Friday evening sunset of a too-hot for June day. I imagined their life; childless, just the two of them preparing to enjoy a warm summer night with each other free of the burden of worrying about the baby waking up, trying to grocery shop in two shifts on a Friday night, poop-stains and staying up until midnight to fold the laundry and then going to bed alone two hours after your spouse.
About a year ago I was that couple.
I love my son more than the air I breathe. He gives me a joy and purpose that I cannot even find words to describe. He loves me in a way that is so palpable and so droolingly sweet that I can't stop myself from missing him when he goes to bed at night. But sometimes, just for a few seconds, I really miss just being a couple.
So I turned my music up to a level not-for-children's-ears and drove the mile and a half home from the grocery store.
And now I have more laundry to fold.
