Fabulous Miss S.

When you know you are a mother

Just in case the six inch red scar across my lower belly and the fact that I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in over five weeks wasn't enough to qualify me for motherhood, today, I pulled a half-inch sticky gooey booger from Noah's nose and didn't gag even a little bit.

By the numbers

At Noah's one month check-up he has officially gained one and three quarters of an inch and exactly, three pounds.  He is now 9 lbs 5 oz and 21 inches long.

Bed

I want to thank all of you for your insightful and supportive comments telling me to continue swaddling and not give up on Noah ever sleeping in or on something other than my chest. Seriously, I was sort of at a loss and cried to Marc and my mother and anyone who would listen that Noah will not sleep unless I am holding him, and ohmygod I'm going to end up with an eight year old who can only sleep laying on top of his mother. Help!

Last night? He slept all night in the co-sleeper which if you are not aware is a crib-like bassinet thing that sits immediately next to my bed with a whole other mattress.  Separate from my body folks!  Yeah Baby! I slept with my arms free, my head on my pillow, on my side, on my other side and slightly on my stomach which didn't work out so well because of the voluptuous nursing boobs that I seems to have sprouted. 

The downside? He woke up every hour and a half.

The process is this: I nurse Noah to sleep, rock him for about five minutes to ensure a deeper sleeper, stand up and swaddle him, rock him swaddled for about five to ten more minutes and then put him down and crawl, weary and exhausted into bed myself only to wash, rinse, repeat a mere fucking hour and a half later.

But! He slept alone! WooHoo.

Parents 1
Baby 0

And then this morning, when Marc was changing his diaper, Noah peed on Marc and all over the wall and pooped all over the changing table.

Parents 1
Baby 1

Bah.

Clarification, although posting this much deserves a reward of some sort, how about sleep?

I was thinking about my last posting and felt that I needed to clarify some things. I feel guilty for being all OhMyGOD Noah won't sleep anywhere and I don't want to be with him and ahhhh!!!! But that is so wrong. I love sleeping with Noah, I just know that sharing a bed isn't very safe and the worry keeps me from sleeping well when he is with me.  I am very careful ... minimal pillows and I lay flat on my back and he is on my chest and no blankets over him really.  You can see how it isn't too comfortable for me. 

Essentially, I really want him to use the co-sleeper.  I think I just feel at a loss for what to do when he cries and I can't seem to console him. I know ... welcome to motherhood ... but still, at this point, it isn't easy. 

The other thing is swaddling.  Noah doesn't much like swaddling.  He kicks the blankets off and then he has loose bedding around him which isn't safe either.  Ideas?  Anyone?  I have tried swaddling him with his arms free but it just isn't the same. 

And I still feel guilty for not conveying how magical and wonderful it is to have him here with us.  I can't actually comprehend that this was the being that was living inside of me for nine months.  I can't actually comprehend that he was inside of me at my wedding.  We went to Jamaica together and to a Bruce Springsteen concert.  Having Noah has changed my life completely in more ways than I can even understand or describe.  I miss having time to blow dry my hair and I wonder if I'll ever be able to wear my non-sweat-pant clothes again, but it really is all worth it.  When I look at him, I can see myself and Marc and there is nothing in this world like that.

Um, sleep much?

Noah is now three weeks and three days old and I'm no longer feeling like a total rookie at this Mom business.  I've been babysitting since I was like, ten years old, I've been a professional nanny, but for some reason, the massive sleep deprivation has robbed me of all my knowledge, tricks and smarts when it comes to getting a baby to sleep somewhere other than on my body.  Or to sit in any of the baby holding receptacles really.

Noah sleeps with me. Every night. On my chest if we are in bed or in my arms if we are in the rocking chair.  And it is getting a little tiring.  When we first brought him home I shuddered at the thought of letting him out of my sight, let alone out of arms reach.  But I am very over that now.

At my second incision-check appointment my midwife told me to play music in Noah's room. Soft, piano-type music. Um, dur! But of course!  We now have play music in Noah's room and it does help him sleep a bit ... in my arms while breastfeeding.  And of course he won't take a pacifier from me behold, I have the real nipples, so Marc should be offering the pacifier.  Noah does take a pacifier. He has no interest.  Why should he?  Mine work so well.

Yesterday Noah fell asleep after nursing and I put him in his crib for a few minutes so I could put his clean clothes away and Marc came up behind me and dragged me out of the room because THE BABY IS SLEEPING IN THE CRIB.  And he did. For about an hour.  So success is attainable ... just fleetingly.
Marc sleeps in the guest room during the week leaving me upstairs alone with Noah.  I KNOW I need to nurse him in his room and put him the damn crib but it is just so much more peaceful to take him with me to bed and sleep on my back holding him.  The idea of getting even less sleep is so not appealing but I'm fearing how long this will go on.  I feel like its my fault because even in the hospital I didn't let him sleep in that plastic isolette thing, I kept him with me for ease of nursing and skin to skin bonding.   Three weeks is totally newborn but I know many newborns will sleep alone, so is this my fault?  Am I doomed to sleeping on my sore back for many months to come? 

I'm very desperate for any ideas on getting a baby to sleep in a crib alone.  I am okay with letting him cry himself to sleep but that's the thing, he doesn't ever fall asleep and I think he is a little young to be left to cry it out, maybe in a few more weeks?   I also have a co-sleeper next to my bed and he will not sleep there either.  The co-sleeper... it is the perfect option! Please tell Noah that. 

He doesn't much like to be put down. Ever.  This makes eating, peeing and simply blowing my nose a wee bit challenging.  He doesn't have gas or colic really, he just likes to be held. Constantly.  Is this normal for a three week old baby?  I mean I suspect it is totally normal but what can I do to get him to sit in his vibrating chair, with and without the vibration, the pack and play, the car seat ... anything dammit!

Aside from the sleep issues Noah is totally awesome.  He has the most amazing expressions and the softest skin and we love him more than life itself. 

I love him dearly, more than anything else in the world, but I also really would like to sleep on my side. And I don't know how to tell him that.