Clarification, although posting this much deserves a reward of some sort, how about sleep?

I was thinking about my last posting and felt that I needed to clarify some things. I feel guilty for being all OhMyGOD Noah won't sleep anywhere and I don't want to be with him and ahhhh!!!! But that is so wrong. I love sleeping with Noah, I just know that sharing a bed isn't very safe and the worry keeps me from sleeping well when he is with me.  I am very careful ... minimal pillows and I lay flat on my back and he is on my chest and no blankets over him really.  You can see how it isn't too comfortable for me. 

Essentially, I really want him to use the co-sleeper.  I think I just feel at a loss for what to do when he cries and I can't seem to console him. I know ... welcome to motherhood ... but still, at this point, it isn't easy. 

The other thing is swaddling.  Noah doesn't much like swaddling.  He kicks the blankets off and then he has loose bedding around him which isn't safe either.  Ideas?  Anyone?  I have tried swaddling him with his arms free but it just isn't the same. 

And I still feel guilty for not conveying how magical and wonderful it is to have him here with us.  I can't actually comprehend that this was the being that was living inside of me for nine months.  I can't actually comprehend that he was inside of me at my wedding.  We went to Jamaica together and to a Bruce Springsteen concert.  Having Noah has changed my life completely in more ways than I can even understand or describe.  I miss having time to blow dry my hair and I wonder if I'll ever be able to wear my non-sweat-pant clothes again, but it really is all worth it.  When I look at him, I can see myself and Marc and there is nothing in this world like that.

Comments

[Michelle]

I hope you don't mind me posting. I was just reading blogs and stumbled across yours and thought that you might find this interesting(I did)http://alisaterry.blogspot.com/2008/01/which-sleeping-arrangement-causes-most.html (I really like alot of things she has to say) Just hang in there, it will get better:)

[K]

I would keep up with the swaddling. He might fight it and make you really think he hates it, but it will calm him down in the long run. That's what I found with my son.

As for the rest, don't feel guilty for being human (plus, you would actually sound a little Katie Holmes-esque if you only said how wonderful and amazing everything is). Bottom line - being a parent is HARD, especially when you're sleep deprived and coming off the nine-month marathon called pregnancy that ends with labor.

Hang in there. At least you're not pregnant any longer!