Fabulous Miss S.

Potholes

You know how sometimes when you are driving on a bumpy road and it feels like your all of your insides are bumping around and you just want to get out of the car and stand on solid ground?

That's how I feel right now, sitting on my sofa, except it is a four pound baby is bumping into all of my organs and as much as I love the kicks and movement, sometimes ... its a little nauseating.

Eating for two

After a breakfast of a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice I got to work very thirsty. I drank a cup or so of water and then had my Ensure around 11am. 

I then forgot to eat anything until 3:15pm when I was sitting on the phone with a FedEx sales lady and I got a warm feeling all over, broke out in a cold sweat and started shaking and thought shit, i should eat something now.

This dire situation caused me to forget that I had granola bars in my drawer, almonds and dried fruit in my purse, crackers and a can of mandarin oranges on my book shelf and I made a dash to the cafe downstairs for a chocolate muffin, half of which I ate while standing in line waiting for my tuna wrap to be made.  I added SunChips and a Sierra Mist (this was a time for raw sugar!).

I have now consumed all but a few bites of the muffin.  I don't know where the food went because lately I haven't been able to eat a third of that, let alone all the liquid and all the food.  I don't even feel the intense need to burp.  Yet.

Please send me emails and remind me to eat more often.

It's hard to stop a robot

I managed to log on long enough to change my template but not long enough to actually produce something of substance.  Now that my main page is only featuring one entry, I figure that is a sure-fire head's up to get my 30lb-baby-weight ass in gear.

Speaking of baby-weight, I'm still hovering right over an overall thirty pound gain so far.  However, I have every intention of losing 50.  I can't believe I need to lose that much weight to get back to a healthy size.  I figure about 25 will come off easily.  I'll come home from the hospital 15 pounds lighter than when I went in.  The other ten will come off in a few weeks as I shed all the extra fluids and start breast feeding.  The other 25, I figure will be a real bitch to lose and I'm already a little scared.  I feel so heavy right now. My feet ache. I can't bend over at all.  I really want to feel strong and flexible again.  And the hardest thing?  No longer eating anything and everything I see and want.

As far as work goes, I'm a snowman in hell.  I hate it. I'm unhappy. It takes me fucking two hours in the morning and that is just too long for a 31-weeks pregnant lady to go without drinking and without peeing.  I almost want to end up in the hospital with a mild case of Pre-Term Labor just to have a valid excuse to stop.  Marc wants paychecks, he also wants me to be happy, to cry less, and to be healthy.  I don't know exactly how to step away from something that I've never liked doing but have always had to do.  Even if you hate a job, you do it, like a robot.  I'm really afraid of the intense guilt I might feel the day I wake up and realize I have no contribution to the world, or more specifically, our family pot of gold. 

Baby is kicking me hard right now. Think I'll go spend a few minutes watching my stomach change shape. 

Why does everything cost so fucking much

Yes, I know having children is an expensive endeavor.

But, we have saved and budgeted, fought and discussed and we've come to a few conclusions about major decisions we will have to make in the next few months.

One of the biggest ones so far: finding a pediatrician. 

To make a long story short: we found one. 

I found him. We met with him and loved him. He gave us flu shots and a tour of his office and answered all my stupid questions.  He was young enough for us to relate to and old enough to have had some time outside of medical school.  He has a young child too and we just thought he was fabulous. For many reasons.

Until I read that in our health plan the out-of-network deductible is $2000.  It was no big deal when it was $500.  But please, two thousand dollars is my disgusting pet pee-stained kitchen carpet replaced with wood.  It's a paycheck. It's ... just too much, I think. It's not worth my going back to work just to pay a doctor who doesn't take our insurnace. Right?   

I hate compromise. Especially when I feel forced to because of fucking money.   Either not having it or something just being too outrageously priced. Or on a subject that I don't feel you should ever compromise.

One of THOSE days

My already too-long and not-really-worth-it commute today took a whopping two hours.  All because of some stupid overturned truck somewhere on the beltway that made ALL ROADS IN THE ENTIRE area come to a grinding halt. 

When I finally reached the Metro station and got on of the last 50 spaces still available, I had to wonder, why are so many people crazy enough to do this day in and day out for years? This is SO NOT the key to a happy and healthy life. And, just for the record, I think it vey very wrong (RONG) that you cannot get a space at local Metro station after 9am on a weekday. I mean, what the fuck is up with that?  That means that when I'm home with baby Shlomo I can't be guaranteed a space at the Metro if I want to take a ride downtown to the zoo. 

Is there something wrong with the system that people subject themselves to this sort of commuting hell day in and day out for a few more dollars and a larger house and free musesums or, am I the one out of place, the one who doesn't belong here?

Something in this picture just doesn't make sense to me.